


Jack The Ripper

by hypothetical_otters



Category: The Monster Hunters (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Screenplay/Script Format, violence mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:16:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3646518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypothetical_otters/pseuds/hypothetical_otters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a letter and what turns out to be a test. (In which Lorrimer is the only smart person, unless Sir Max is only pretending.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jack The Ripper

**Author's Note:**

> This happened after the Ripper Walk on Saturday, I don't really know why. I don't own anything, Newgate Productions does. This is the first time I've written and posted stuff in script format, but this isn't properly in a script format because I have pretty much ignored most of the conventions (which I do know). There's a mention of a character from The Diary of a Provincial Lady (the musical, not the book) which belongs to Robert Hudson and Susannah Pearse and definitely not to me.

Sir Maxwell: ‘The next job I do I shall clip the ladys ears off and send to the police officers just for jolly wouldn't you. Keep this letter back till I do a bit more work, then give it out straight. My knife's so nice and sharp I want to get to work right away if I get a chance. Good Luck.'

PAUSE 

Sir Maxwell: That’s where the letter ends. There’s not a signature, but I’m sure that won’t stop the monster hunters.

Roy: We’ll find the sender

Lorrimer: Roy. Sir Maxwell. Neither of you recognise that letter?

Roy: No

Sir Maxwell: Should we?

Lorrimer: You really... where did you find that letter?

Sir Maxwell: I think it was sent to me. Suki would know, but she’s not here. She’s on a farm in the Himalayas talking to a woman in a cardigan about sheep, llamas, alpacas, or some sort of woolly animal...

Roy: What’s the problem Lorrimer? Don’t think we can handle a serial killer?

Lorrimer: No that’s not it, Roy, they aren't the sort of monsters we hunt, unless you're suggesting Jack the Ripper was a vampire.

Sir Maxwell: What?

Lorrimer: Sir Maxwell, Roy, what we have here is the first of many letters sent to the press by people claiming to be the renowned serial killer Jack the Ripper. That letter is where the name first appeared. And I don’t think we could handle this, unless we have a time machine which, unless I’m very much mistaken, we don’t.

Sir Maxwell: That letter’s from the past?

Lorrimer: Yes Sir Maxwell.

Roy: But we’re not in the past! We’re in the present!

Lorrimer: Exactly Roy.

Sir Maxwell: Well done gentlemen. You have passed my test.

Roy: Test?

Lorrimer: What do you mean test?

Sir Maxwell: Well, since you failed the last one, i thought I’d try again. Lorrimer you passed, Roy you didn’t know what i was talking about.

Roy: Hang on a minute! I was ready to find this maniac and stop them; surely I should pass just for that.

Sir Maxwell: Ah, maybe you’re right Roy, maybe you’re right. Fine. Everyone passes. Anyone for a Scotch?


End file.
